HOW OPEN ARE YOU TO FEEDBACK?
23 October 2021
It's true: everyone (or nearly everyone) is open to feedback and listens to it. That fact has significantly lowered my threshold for giving feedback and, in my perception, has also improved the communication and collaboration with colleagues. How did I learn this?
Because just the topic of 'giving feedback' can make me nervous. I don't enjoy doing it and hence almost never do. This aligns perfectly with my 'green profile,' to use our terms.
Both in my communication style and Character Profile, the dominant trait is 'green,' which certainly has its positive aspects (and I'm proud of them!), but when it comes to giving feedback, it's less convenient. Because I enjoy collaboration, having people around me, and am sensitive to maintaining a pleasant atmosphere, I do everything to uphold that.
In my view, giving feedback often equates to 'criticizing,' potentially disrupting the good atmosphere. And that's why I dislike giving feedback. It's not that I agree with everything then. Things can certainly affect me; I can find it very unpleasant when, for instance, I'm not listened to or when people don't take responsibility and pass tasks onto others.
A Star in Putting Things in Perspective
But do I address these issues? No. I'm terrified of hurting the other person, making them angry, causing misunderstandings… you name it. In the meantime, I've become a star in putting things in perspective (it's not all that bad) and I've come to terms with it. Because sometimes, I might get annoyed with others, but then I don't act upon it.
As a team of psychologists who excel in advising others on how to improve their communication and collaboration, we, as the iScreen team, thought it was a good idea to also examine the communication and collaboration within our own team.
Giving Feedback
Several sessions were scheduled this year, and you can probably guess which topic was on the agenda for the first session: giving feedback. Smaller groups were formed to work on this topic after the team session.
I wasn't exactly thrilled, but at the same time, I know how important this topic is, and I genuinely wanted to actively engage with it. In the group I was in, we decided to ask each other questions about this topic.
How open are you to feedback?
One of my colleagues asked, 'How open are you to feedback?' The answers surprised me. Despite our different personalities, we all said, 'Very open. Bring it on! You're never too old to learn.' Odd as it may sound, that was an eye-opener for me.
All those times I thought others wouldn't care about my feedback, would get angry at what I said, or be disappointed… all those times, I had made wrong assumptions, and it turns out everyone is indeed open to feedback. Why would they be angry or sad?
How do you approach it?
In the second team session, we delved further into giving feedback, and it so happened that a decision was made that I felt uncomfortable about. After much contemplation on whether to say something and if so, how, I decided that if there was ever a right moment to give feedback, this was it.
Empowered by the thought that everyone is open to feedback, I spoke up and expressed what was bothering me. People listened, and after a pause, the response came: it was great that I spoke up! On the spot, the decision was reversed, and different agreements were made. It might have been of minor significance to others, but for me, it was huge.
The relief I felt afterward, and especially not having to dwell on it anymore and ultimately coming to terms with it, were, in my opinion, worth their weight in gold.
I still feel that unease, you know; should I say something about something or not? I only know now that I have to set aside my assumptions and believe that the other person also wants to hear my opinion.
- Carlijn Witvliet, Work and Organizational Psychologist